Having a random hookup so left but love u
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
