drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
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At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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