Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
