something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
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Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
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I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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