I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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