We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
