My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
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