went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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