my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
