if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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