The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
