You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
