You're my little dorito
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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