...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
