pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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