And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
