oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize