saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
