hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
