I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
