How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
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my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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