I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
