i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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