I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
