We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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