you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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