Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
