They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
