And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
