I wish I could teleport
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
