Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
