Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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