I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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