The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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