i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
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Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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