She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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