hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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