You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
