You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you inspire me to be a worse person
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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