talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
