Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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