Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
