You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i would punch a child for taco bell
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
