I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dignity is for republicans.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
