Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
