the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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