I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
