He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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