Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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