he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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