He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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