she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
