you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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