I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
