i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's just like the Real World with babies
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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