i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
