kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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