dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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