pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
