Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
