i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
