dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
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Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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