i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
