dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
