I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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