i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
