we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
