this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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