How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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