I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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