the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
