Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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