it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
