If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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